How to Modulate My Presence

Group session on 07/13/11 was devoted to the topic of "modulating one's presence." The topic was initially suggested by a member who feels that she often comes across as too "intense" even though she does not intend to. Other members shared similar experiences, reflecting that they sometimes do not know how to choose an "appropriate"level of interpersonal engagement that is not intimidating or off-putting.

For some people, it is more challenging to regulate their presence in a professional situation. For others, it is more of a challenge at home as they expect their family members to "accept me for who I am." Group member shared their experiences of being misinterpreted and misunderstood, which sometimes negatively affected their self-perception.

The group facilitator suggested that feeling misunderstood might arise from the discrepancy between intention, presentation, and perception of person's behavior by the other. It is common for adults with LD/ADD/ADHD to have difficulty "translating" themselves to others in a manner that feels satisfying and accurate. The deficits in executive functioning that is often attributed to ADD/ADHD and some LD can make it difficult for a person to observe oneself and correct his/her behavior in response to feedback from others (expressed directly or indirectly through body language).

Group members talked about the importance of keeping their awareness of another person's response to them, as well as one own behavior. They discussed the importance of paying attention to the context in which the interpersonal interaction occurs. Group facilitator emphasized that rules and norms of engagement are often not explicit and need to be assessed through the process of trial and error. One group member suggested that the best strategy is to "sit and observe" before jumping into action, especially in situations where people might not know you that well.

The concept of the Johari Window was introduced (for free tool on creating your own Johari Window, go to http://kevan.org/johari). Decreasing the Blind Spots and the area of the Unknown, while increasing parts that are known to self and are comfortable to share with others can increase one's skill in modulating one's presence and managing interpersonal situations in a manner that feels satisfying and nourishing. It often requires taking interpersonal risks and asking for a feedback.

	Known To Self	Not Known To Self
Known To Others	Open	Blind Spot
Not Known To Others	Hidden	Unknown