Interpersonal Skills: Offering Input

Group discussed strategies for offering input in a conversation in a clear and concise manner. Group members identified some of the factors that can help with presenting self in a desired way:

• being prepared
• impulse control
• being in control of the conversation
• listening to self/other(s)
• controlling feelings

Group members shared that the above might be difficult and they end up presenting themselves in a manner they do not want to. As one member put it, he can find himself "offering worth of 5 dollars when 2 cents could have been enough." Several group members shared their difficulty with managing conversation and expressing their thoughts when they experience strong feelings, such as excitement or feeling of powerlessness.

Group facilitator observed that for adults with ADD/LD it is common to use "Shoot-Aim-Point" approach to conversations - blurring things out without considering the consequence or fully thinking through what needs to be said. She instead suggests to use "Point-Aim-Shoot" approach, which means determining the direction of the conversation (Point), deciding on what to say (Aim) and saying it (Shoot). She encouraged group members to apply the principles of "deliberate practice" borrowed from the performance psychology to improve their skill in offering input in a conversation.

Some of the components of the conversational skills that can be worked on are:

• Speed of speech: talking too fast can be perceived as nervousness and sometimes hard to follow. Slowing down can help with thinking through and presenting self in a clear manner. Strategies that can be used for slowing down - taking a breath before talking, counting to 5 before offering comment.
  
• Use of pauses/silence: sometimes people get nervous with silences and try to fill them in with incessant talk. Instead, silence or pause can be used to collect one's thoughts and re-orient self, if necessary.
• Use of fillers like "um," "like," or "Do you know what I mean?": group members note that these fillers are often used to "soften" the message or for "bookmarking" the thought in the conversation. However, the frequent user of these fillers can make an impression of an unsophisticated speaker. One member suggested exhaling through your nose when feeling the impulse to say "um" or other interjection.
• Body language: given that 70% of the message is communicated through non-verbal means, the proper body language is a very important component of the conversation. One group member suggested practicing talking in front of the mirror to gain more awareness of the use of body language.
• Length of speech: a lot of adults with ADD/LD tend to go on tangents, loosing their conversation partner in the process. Strategy for gaining more control of that: timing and/or recording self to see how long it takes to express the thought. One member added that you can also listen to these recordings to see what needs to be changed in the way you present yourself.
• Content of speech: writing seems to be a favorite strategy for working on the content. One member notes that it is easier for her to express herself concisely when she writes.

The group facilitator suggested to consider the following variables when engaging in a conversation: